Meaning means?

010215; Meaning means?

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On the way to camp now. I guess it's better to blog during my journey there instead of at home since it's more time efficient this way. Nonetheless, that would probably give me limited time to share.

This week has been horrendous in a way. After a tedious and somewhat worrisome navigation exercise on Friday morning, I couldn't wait to just leave the camp. Why not talk about the weekends first? When I booked out, I met A&M with Fiona at NEX for a meal and meet up. Didn't go for NET rally due to this and I wonder if I made a practically right decision. While I had fun spending time with them, I was guilted that I didn't attend the session although I could. We had Pizza Hut and I finally used the complimentary voucher that SAF gave me for my enlistment. It's a pretty worthwhile meal and there were several embarrassing yet hilarious moments. When we left, I met Alson coincidentally at the bus stop. We had a mini catch up and my Friday night ended pretty fine.

I wasted my Saturday morning sleeping away peacefully and undisturbed. It's a good rest although time was somewhat wasted. I have come to a point that I wouldn't really mind if I slept my morning away this way although at times I feel that I can do much better instead of being a pig. Saturday hasn't been more mundane than before. I woolgathered at home throughout and did nothing really productive. I also missed Edge.

I overslept for Sunday service and missed my church activity again. I woke up before noon and tried to organise something for the day. I eventually decided to wash up and venture to explore the legendary banmian at Lorong 32 that everyone is complimenting. I made my way there within 30 minutes and there was a long invisible queue due to the stall not having self-service. I waited for about 10 minutes for my order to arrive. Upon noticing from the sign that this banmian stall had a branch at Tampines 1 food court, I didn't raise my expectations too high since the latter gave me the worst banmian experience two years ago. I wonder if the stall changed though. At my first glance, I thought it somewhat resembled #tpybanmian. Unfortunately my first mouthful of it was a disappointment due to its tastelessness. While the food portion was alright, I could hardly savour the fragrance of the soup. The noodle was also not as chewy as anticipated. I could go on but I guess I am not in the mood to make gastronomical reviews currently lol. What surprised me the most was the fact that it's the only stall in the coffee shop. It's considerably packed too. I guess everyone just has a different taste.

Thereafter, a series of unfortunate ensued after me. First, my ezlink card ran out of credit and I had to pay a relatively exorbitant price of $1.30 for a short 5 minutes bus trip. The attitude of the bus driver disdained me too. Second, I kinda made a fool out of myself when I decided to buy KOI at Paya Lebar station. I queued at the collection point instead and asked the pinoy lady behind if she's queuing since there's a gap and she told me rudely that I should queue at the cashier instead. That's when I realised I mistook the respective queues. The entire scene made me look as though that's my Virgin attempt in buying KOI. I should have been more careful though. Third, after exploring the newly opened PL square mall which was plainly boring, I suddenly got told off by the station manager to not drink when I casually took a sip of my KOI while topping up my card at the machine. Thankfully she didn't charge me. I then realised that the rule prohibiting drinking and eating is removed when I alighted at Kallang. I wonder if this applies to the entire station or what.

I reached home at around 2PM only to find myself on my bed again mingling with my phone. My attempt in napping failed and I played my comp until the evening. I was so confused on what needed to be done actually and I think whatever unproductive yet pleasurable things I have done are to help me escape from the more important tasks like researching on a suitable course as such. Before leaving home, I had dinner made by dad and also packed my room a little. I had a desire to actually do some academic work in camp so I brought my maths lecture note in. May I have the discipline to at least attempt...

In sum, I think I have been rather unfaithful to God this weekend to my dismay. I should have been more disciplined in my actions, words and thoughts. Admittedly, there's an unexplainable void in me recently and it's not easy to deal with it. I feel that something pressing has to be done yet I don't know if I am confronting it already or not. I pray that I'll not let my body takes over the spirit that easily.

So what's up during the weekdays? It actually started really good I promise. Yet the climate deteriorated exponentially by days. I am definitely a and the problem. Yet I can't be apportioned all the blames. If only I can be more tolerant and loving or you can be more sensible and mature. I thought I have reached my limit yet I can't find the ability and courage to stand up for my beliefs and dignity. I asked God why am I always put in such difficult situation with no escape routes, yet I didn't really get an answer. It seems like I can only wait to suffer to end and suffer to wait for miracles.

May this coming week be better. Although I have a premonition.

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