Words

290115; 2121

Words 

Today didn't go well in every way. The days this week seem to be progressively more and more despondent as series of unfortunate events keep coming my way. After a morning run as the only person in PT kit while the rest were in long four and PT shoes, there's a short break and I tried to take a break. It's a pretty disrupted for mainly environmental reasons. Actually that morning when my Sir suddenly tried to wake one of us up to open the door so that he could have a map, I'm the only one who got woken up despite sleeping at the further end of the room. Together with what happened later before noon, it's a confirmation that I am definitely a really light sleeper.

Before noon, I was actually fetched by my sergeant major to a building near the gate to sign some forms to get reimbursed for overpaying the fine I made last year for losing stuff. It's a small amount but it's a big and tedious effort in the administrative work. My encik left halfway as he was rushing for time and I had to walk back on my own. For the entire afternoon then, my platoon then travelled non-stop on a tonner to deliver various equipment to PLC then to Hendon Camp for our Taiwan trip. It's literally travelling from an end to another end of Singapore. I was supposed to meet Luke up at PLC for lunch but there's an impromptu decision to just pack the food away. In the end we had lunch while travelling time. I managed to catch an episode of a random channel 8 educational show on shopping etiquettes.

Apart from the fact that things cropped up in some ways and my hands are still in great pain since the hundred pull-ups days ago, I'm not sure if I am really exhausted or just sad. Me being lethargic can be explained by the hectic schedule today. I guess my disappointment with a tinge of annoyance is probably due to the same old reason of having my weaknesses being mocked at and taken advantage of. Same old treatment by the same old ones. I have always kept quiet even when deep down I was enraged and sick of being made a mockery, be it in a joking or serious manner. Words are powerful weapons which I am really vulnerable to. Keeping silent doesn't mean I am not affected by it or I have no guts to stand up for myself. Ever felt like it's only you against the world? The latter usually wins so it's pointless to raise it up even in an amicable way. Some behaviours I believe are just inherent and people just can't do without. If it's in their nature to spite, things can only be improved in the short term perhaps.

After watching The 5 Search on my phone just now, I totally empathised with one contestant whom the judges openly criticised his wavering grasp of the English language in terms of pronunciation and articulation. He comes from a mandarin-speaking family just like my background too. I honestly admit that the way I speak makes English sound awkward and I'm glad that some people accept it and don't judge me for it. The more critical ones naturally equate my English standard to the way I speak. What I don't find it encouraging is the fact that some actually imitate the way I speak in a form of mockery so as to gain fun and laughter out of it. Once or twice is enough but an incessant one is really troubling and saddening. At times I may joke along and even laugh at my own mistake but that doesn't mean I am always fine with it. It reminds me of how much I have lacked as compared to others.

I can go on. Sharing this lightens my emotional burden though. I only hope for one thing - either people can be more accommodating or I can have greater patience and love for each other.

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Hurt-dles

BP: Hurt-dles

"Don't join them. Join us as we'll protect you!"

"Why do I need protection against something harmless?"

"No you don't understand..." Blah cube.

Felt a little uncomfortable when I'm told not to socialise with a group of people who really share the interests as me, or least are friendly enough to chat with. Not sure why do people love to implant thorns of sarcasm in their tone every time. If there's nothing better or constructive to say, I think it's best to just restrain your speech. While it may boost your ego that the other party has no great counter to your remarks, it doesn't pay much to just stop spiting others be it in a subtle manner or not. Louder doesn't mean righter.

Days of contrast

Week 4:

270115 2036

260115-270115; Days of contrast

Currently on the bed now typing this after a pretty chaotic and unfortunate day. I shall share about yesterday before talking about today. 

Yesterday was way more awesome than expected. Started the morning with a 3KM run and that made me realised how bad my stamina was once again. Glad that I completed it well though. I then had rifle cleaning in the afternoon when my CI suddenly called my platoon up to do an impromptu pyramid exercise with the pull up. We started from 1 together and did 2 for another set and onwards in sequence until 10 before counting down. It ended with 50 push ups. While he tried to convince us that it's a tekan session, it's quite high in intensity. Still, I had fun laughing while supporting each other. He was trying to imbibe the value of adaptability and interchangeability in us. Before he left, he gave us a surprise which was a nights out for that night. I was elated but wasn't really in the mood to go out. Everything thereafter just cropped up and I ordered McDonald's in instead. Have not felt so unhealthy until that night as I even had a pack of instant noodle before the delivery.

It's a crazy night spent in bunk with the platoon. Haven't had so much fun and sincere laughter for quite awhile here lol. Oh ya. The highlight of the day is the fact that some guys of the same batch from another platoon actually joined me in my bunk catching up with our clarinet skills through some random sight reading of the scores I have with me. How often can you actually play such musical instrument in an active unit in camp?! Love the vibes.

Today was an exact opposite of what happened yesterday in terms of mood. The morning was a little messed up in schedule. Went to the gym in the morning and then chillax in the eatery down there with the platoon. Had Hokkien Mee which was surprisingly good but the tehbeng there was the worst I ever had. In the afternoon, everyone in my unit gathered in a room for our monthly movie session - something new to my platoon at least. We were supposed to watch American Sniper but something cropped up and another American film was shown instead. Things didn't turn out well after the 90 minutes of showing. I shan't describe in detail what happened but there was a draggy inspection of our mobile phones in parade form under the blazing sun for an hour. A joyous occasion went absurdly wrong. Nobody expected things to turn out this way though. Yet it can be prevented if the spirit was stronger than the body then. I will certainly not let similar situations of the same kind happen to me again. It's now a severe situation that dampens the unit's morale. I hope things will improve.

Something that really bothers me recently was really how some just blatantly crossed the borders with deliberation, causing certain unhappiness and discomfort among us. It's inevitable that we live in the same environment but the ecosystem is somewhat disrupted now and its equilibrium shaken. If no further action is made to solve this imbalance, things are going to be taken for granted into a greater extent and it's going to be more chaotic than now. By then, it may be a little too late. I'm so glad I don't have to embrace that that directly although there are downsides to it too. 

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Woots

Awesome day spent in camp today.

Weeek

BP: Week 3

210115

I don't know why am I so desperate to help. Fear of opinions once again or just to make up for the inconvenience caused eons ago? 

(continued); 250115 2055

Currently waiting for my train to book in. This week has been a really really lepak week apart from Tuesday or Wednesday when we did some PT in the morning. Couldn't remember exactly which day is it and this just shows how bad my memory is. The PT session made me realised how much I need to train up to maintain my past fitness. I had severe headache after the work up as I guess I didn't exercise consistently for long.

During Wednesday's nights out, I met Luke up at JEM and had dinner at Mado while chatting. Traipsed around the mall for awhile and bought some grocery and KOI together before heading to book in around 9. 

On Thursday and Friday, half of my platoon proceeded with their range firing while the other half stayed in bunk. I'm with the latter. On both days, I literally lied on my bed using my phone and watching You Can Be Angels Too on it. It's a pretty interesting show. Friday was a little more busy than Thursday as i reported sick in the late morning. Somewhat got blasted by the MO for not reporting at the right timing, causing me to irrationally (??) fear that he might lodge a complaint to my superior which I hope will not happen. 

I went to see the doctor for my itchy and scaly skin condition. After seeing my leg and back, he was quite aghast and paranoid lol. He even took the initiative specially to open the door for me to exit. He claimed that it's quite extensive - my fungi infection. It sounds disgusting when I mention the f word here but actually, it feels normal to me lol. Eventually I was given 9 days excuse from wearing uniform and boots. Initially he wanted to give me excuse for months one but I kinda agitatedly rejected as I have training and overseas trip. So chaogeng hor.

In the afternoon, we were suddenly ordered to clean some rifles that we never fired before. It's okay. Then in the end before we booked out in the evening, we were told that the armourer was not happy with the condition of the cleaned rifles, causing us to do another round of cleaning the upcoming Monday. Book out timing was at 6pm sharp when the rest of the platoon returned. Had dinner with JT, MQ and Ivan at McDonald's before I headed for NET. The night wasn't really productive. Slept late as I downloaded some videos.

Started Saturday booking in in the unearthly hour of dawn as I dragged my feet down to camp. Felt good doing duty in admin attire anyway. Spent the entire day watching videos and tidying the duty room up. I actually enjoyed doing it...organising things into their rightful places. Slept later than expected before Ivan took over the next morning.

Felt really sleepy even after I handed over duty. I napped for awhile in bunk before making myself breakfast. Unfortunately, the hot water tap stopped working and I just left the camp munching only one slice of bread I bought from nights out. Then I planned to have my breakfast asap at Toastbox and found out that there was actually a long queue, leaving no choice but to take away one OCK chicken wing. Headed to TPY for Sunday service thereafter. On time.

Sermon was on open doors again. Stay. Fear not. And...I forgot the last part. I really need to be more attentive in the service and stop being too distracted lol. Lesson ended quickly after service and I actually enjoyed it. Lunch with the region was a little disorganised but still...I got to have my favourite #tpybanmian. Initially I planned to swim after lunch but the ominous weather changed my mind. Bought some sushi and koi and remembered to shop for my dad's birthday present. He turned 54 last week yet I blatantly forgot until I asked Melwin to help me wish his dad happy birthday. Not sure if it's forgetful or unfilial lol. I chanced upon a shop selling watched and caught my eyes into some metal classic ones which I thought really suited him. Bought it at a reasonable price, sharing the cost with my sister...unevenly for various reasons I allow lol.

The time spent at home was really wasted as nothing meaningful was done. Had QT and dinner and downloaded some clips randomly before heading out. 

In sum, this week albeit is a physically relaxed week, it's actually emotionally draining in some ways. I wish I will have the discipline and mood to discuss this next time soon. This coming week is gonna be more hectic as I finally gonna go outfield soon along with other tedious work to be done. I also feel that I have changed my prospectives and attitude towards some things in life, such as friendship and relationship. Once again, may time and mood permit me to share this next time!

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Help

I don't know why am I so desperate to help. Fear of opinions once again or just to make up for the inconvenience caused eons ago? 

Anyway, it's a great dinner at Mado with Luke for my nights out before both of us booked in. The more doesn't the merrier always.

Bleh

BP: Week 2

120115; long

Today was a really chill day. Travelled to PLC for photo taking in the morning before having lunch at Carls' JR with the platoon. Did some leisure stuff thereafter before returning to camp. Was glad that my emulator started working again after some updates. I then spent the entire afternoon and night completing my favourite game Megaman Battle Network Cybeast Falzer hahah. Love it.

Couldn't really bother some of actions and words bombarded to me casually and jokingly. Glad that I am more open and less sensitive. 

I have a feeling that tomorrow may not be as relaxed as the schedule shows. Time to lights off. Nights.

2305

Eventful

Page 1; 04-11012015

Currently on the train to book in. I think I should admit that I have been super lazy to blog. In camp, I thought to myself that I will spend time at home to do it using my com but it's always easier said than done.. I guess one other reason is due to my mentality that the inscrutable lag my com has makes it rather hard to blog.Still, I shall take some time now to share about this week. 

After a reasonably long break from army before the new year commenced, I finally booked in last Sunday morning to serve my extra duty before the rest of my platoon came later on at night.

Didn't have a good rest before the first week of 2015 began as I probably messed up my body clock days before. I thanked God that I was suddenly informed by my encik that I need not participate with the rest in the morning speed training. As such, I rested in bunk, feeling somewhat unsettled for some reasons though. For the rest of the day, I spent in on preparing my field pack for our ops manning. It's so tedious. I had to buy new items and ensure everything looked brand new and tidy. At night after dinner and RO, my unit conducted a force preparation. It's two draggy hours long and I can attest to the fact that it's the first time after so long since BMT that force preparation turned out this long. My encik actually went to each individual to inspect his items and layout until the last person of the unit was checked. How ironic that he expected the drills to be quick yet the inspection took up majority of the time extensively.

Tuesday was rather lepak as we spent the morning doing gym. Did nothing much productive and as usual, I still couldn't use the equipment productively and correctly. Lack of guidance. The only gyms that I probably frequented the most then were the ones in Pokemon as I spent my Sunday completing Fire Red. Lack of guidance and motivation. I can't remember what we did for the rest of the day.

Was so relieved that Wednesday SOC in the morning wasn't for the platoon. I casually remarked that I would rather have out field than SOC. While it may be out of impulse, it still underlies the reluctance in me to embrace SOC due to the height elements which I dread the most. I know I can't escape it forever but at least I need not do it earlier. Hahah. Then there's a draggy talk by my encik on Regimentation & Discipline which took up half of the afternoon. Amused that even without his prepared slides, he could go on for hours. The self-introduction session thereafter was somewhat great though.

Didn't sleep well. Yet the team building lecture which stretched across Thursday morning with the entire camp commanders kept me awake and entertained. The speaker known as Jeffrey Goh was quite witty. Casual look up on him in the NET revealed that he also did write several Christian related articles which I have saved and not read yet. Soon. Enjoyed the session. In the afternoon, there's a mediation session involving me. Hahah I hope both parties are sincere. Then we booked out at night amid the heavy downpour. Thank God there's a sudden bus available for us to bring everyone to the gate!

Friday morning kicked off with a prawning session for the cohesion event organised by my training institute. All superiors were there and I arrived early. Took some shots of the scenery there. Thereafter, I spent nearly 3 hours sitting at the same spot and doing the same stance in hope that the prawns were on bait. I managed to catch around 8 in the end. Overall, it's a great eye opener for me to prawning and realise that prawns actually have claws. Lol. Slow. Have been eating them all along yet I'm clueless about how they really looked. They actually BBQ the prawns afterwards. At first, I was reluctant in tasting cos' the entire episode felt so morbid. Still, I took some courage to try it. It's rather good hahah. The session ended with an impromptu pool game with my OC and my platoon. Was totally thrashed by him. It's an awesome morning.

Bought KOI from NEX before returning home. I suddenly recalled that there's band practice in the afternoon. After some lazing around at home doing nothing productive, I headed to SR to visit the band. All I could see was unfamiliar faces. Still, I was surprised to be greeted by two juniors who are still there. And also spoken to Mr Yang while meeting him as he was leaving the campus. While it's a mere one hour, I felt satisfied playing the clarinet again. Caught up with sir and Miss R for awhile too. Grateful that they allowed me to borrow a clarinet home hahah. Really missed the school and people. 

The trip back to NET was a chore as I had to carry my bag drenched in KOI together with my stand and nettlesome case lol. I waited for the rest below Qianhui's block to surprise Joycelyn together. Played with the cats there and got scratched by one of them out of a sudden. Unscathed though but I was super unhappy with him as I have not been scratched since 7 years old? Now I know which cats to be more weary of heheh. When more people arrived, we did a foolish yet hilarious move by greeting an uncle whom we thought was the dad of some of us there. The surprise was successfully and net was awesome as usual. There's finally a full net attendance! Good start to 2015.

Bickering welcomed Saturday yet I thank God things got better afterwards. I woke up early around 830 to get myself prepared to meet Michael & Luke at M's house. I don't usually wake up at such unearthly hour on a Saturday for a gathering but I also don't wanna waste my morning sleeping away. It's a great morning with the group as we had Ya Kun for breakfast before heading to M's place for some music making and a swim. The latter was quite impromptu but worthwhile hahah. Luke and I then had ramen for lunch and I regretted topping up lol. Did something for a nearby SG50 campaign at ION which got us printed copies of the sketches we made on ourselves for the event. We then visited the sky park which was spectacular. Departed around 430 and I was feeling so sleepy. 

Headed to Edge at Tampines after that and was slightly late. Sermon was on Arise and the altar call encouraged me that I can rise up to conquer the things of the world. Met Melwin for dinner after that before reaching home. Sad that GBA4IOS couldn't work when I wanna continue my favourite megaman hais. X

Overslept for Sunday service and had lunch at home before slacking the afternoon away. Played some audi then my clarinet before sorting out some of the worksheets I did in secondary 1 & 2?! Quite shocked that they are still at home. Found some funny essays I wrote too. Had QT and watched a short special pokemon movie on Mystery Dungeon before packing up to book in. Bought some items from ntuc too. 

So..right now after an hour of typing, I just bought myself McDonald's for dinner and now walking in to my camp. Overall, this week has been a rather smooth sailing one. Better than expected. Thank God that relationship has improved and greater understanding is built. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I am going Taiwan this March after opting out when there're limited slots. Will talk about this again.

...and I'll try my best to write a post on my resolution on 2015 and reflection on 2014 too. Too lazy. I guess it's already obvious what I need to improve on after writing this..

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