Words

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Words 

Today didn't go well in every way. The days this week seem to be progressively more and more despondent as series of unfortunate events keep coming my way. After a morning run as the only person in PT kit while the rest were in long four and PT shoes, there's a short break and I tried to take a break. It's a pretty disrupted for mainly environmental reasons. Actually that morning when my Sir suddenly tried to wake one of us up to open the door so that he could have a map, I'm the only one who got woken up despite sleeping at the further end of the room. Together with what happened later before noon, it's a confirmation that I am definitely a really light sleeper.

Before noon, I was actually fetched by my sergeant major to a building near the gate to sign some forms to get reimbursed for overpaying the fine I made last year for losing stuff. It's a small amount but it's a big and tedious effort in the administrative work. My encik left halfway as he was rushing for time and I had to walk back on my own. For the entire afternoon then, my platoon then travelled non-stop on a tonner to deliver various equipment to PLC then to Hendon Camp for our Taiwan trip. It's literally travelling from an end to another end of Singapore. I was supposed to meet Luke up at PLC for lunch but there's an impromptu decision to just pack the food away. In the end we had lunch while travelling time. I managed to catch an episode of a random channel 8 educational show on shopping etiquettes.

Apart from the fact that things cropped up in some ways and my hands are still in great pain since the hundred pull-ups days ago, I'm not sure if I am really exhausted or just sad. Me being lethargic can be explained by the hectic schedule today. I guess my disappointment with a tinge of annoyance is probably due to the same old reason of having my weaknesses being mocked at and taken advantage of. Same old treatment by the same old ones. I have always kept quiet even when deep down I was enraged and sick of being made a mockery, be it in a joking or serious manner. Words are powerful weapons which I am really vulnerable to. Keeping silent doesn't mean I am not affected by it or I have no guts to stand up for myself. Ever felt like it's only you against the world? The latter usually wins so it's pointless to raise it up even in an amicable way. Some behaviours I believe are just inherent and people just can't do without. If it's in their nature to spite, things can only be improved in the short term perhaps.

After watching The 5 Search on my phone just now, I totally empathised with one contestant whom the judges openly criticised his wavering grasp of the English language in terms of pronunciation and articulation. He comes from a mandarin-speaking family just like my background too. I honestly admit that the way I speak makes English sound awkward and I'm glad that some people accept it and don't judge me for it. The more critical ones naturally equate my English standard to the way I speak. What I don't find it encouraging is the fact that some actually imitate the way I speak in a form of mockery so as to gain fun and laughter out of it. Once or twice is enough but an incessant one is really troubling and saddening. At times I may joke along and even laugh at my own mistake but that doesn't mean I am always fine with it. It reminds me of how much I have lacked as compared to others.

I can go on. Sharing this lightens my emotional burden though. I only hope for one thing - either people can be more accommodating or I can have greater patience and love for each other.

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