Humdrum

050415; humdrum 

Today was a relatively monotonous day with nothing much going on. I am really grateful that IPPT in the morning was cancelled for whatsoever reasons. I had the intention to fall out as my sickness from yesterday persisted. In the end I only fall out and watched the rest doing training in the shed. What appalled me the most was how I couldn't even do one single pull up since the hundred attempts last Monday. Why do I take so long to recover? There's no longer pain nor strain yet I felt helpless pulling myself up..

Spent the entire morning thereafter to rest until noon when I met Shane up for lunch. Had to walk down 15 minutes just for the meal. It's not an ordinary meal since today is the last day of his stay in camp before he flies off next week for his study. Had a great two hour catch up. Accompanied him to the MO in the end and met my platoon mates there before we walked back to coy line again. Did nothing much thereafter. Just felt quite uncomfortable with this sore throat that inevitably leads to other effects like headache and dizziness as usual. 

Now sharing about how I feel, I would say I am a little perplexed about the situation around me now. It just feels dilemmatic to be stuck and caught in between. Of course I hope for the best yet not everyone can forge a common understanding and empathy that easily. Such issues take time and brute force isn't the way to go about ameliorating it. How I wish I can have more wisdom and courage to be involved actively to help out. The battle is real. May things improve.

Moving on to my family...I guess things ain't going too well recently. Not sure what's in the minds of my parents individually. Can't comprehend why they always conflict in what they think and do. Yet most of the time I stand by my Dad's side as my Mom really overdoes things in a way that is overboard many a times. Divorce is often mentioned in a pique of anger and I hope it's due to impulse.. Admittedly my family is quite broken since primary 1 after that tragic incident which I shall not mention. Fights and quarrels were common most nights. Police were called in several times. Physical and emotional hurt are hurled very often to everyone involved. That's the kind of environment that I grew up in. While things are getting better as we moved our house when I'm Sec 4, some things just remain unsettled which are inevitably the sole cause of many conflicts and tension every time. I have stepped in too much and too many times to prevent further escalation of tension which may lead to abuse and prevention of casualty which may lead to hospitalisation. I think I shall not go on. I have not talked about this topic online and offline to anyone. It's just a glimpse of the nightmarish backdrop of my life. It's improving yet it's deteriorating. All in all, if not for God's grace, I won't be where I am now.

May tomorrow fly fast and great.