After days of procrastination, I guess it's time to share about my graduation parade and the months of arduous training preceding it. I remember vividly that I wasn't feeling totally prepared to embrace the donning of the black stripes after wearing the white ones for half the year. It's due to many reasons that I have shared before.
On the day itself, we had a final morning rehearsal before lunch. We were then told to pack and move everything to a bunk assigned for us by mid-noon. Is it really so hard to give us some rest or break before the grand moment? I didn't actually feel excited about it and just hoped to end the day asap. Had tea break in the canteen with MBC before changing to my smartest 4 and heading to collect my rifles to report in my contingent. It's about 5pm when everyone congregated at the form up point and the sky was so ominous. I guess most of us prayed that the rain would not come as its advent would certainly make our days of efforts to go down the drain. Thankfully, the parade was able to carry out as normal. Overall, the drills was fine except for the part where my row didn't stomp together due to difference in counting. Is it really so hard to count and follow the tempo of the band? Lol I tried not to let this setback affect the joyous (really?) occasion.
It's great and relieving to see my parents coming down to fix on the 3 chevrons for me after all the tedious parts. It's also nice to have people visiting me specially too. Took a few photographs before the next segment of the parade commenced. We did a second march-past and gathered behind the parade square for our re-entry, which was meant to be a surprise for the audience. After doing the thunderous and fearsome roar and pledge, my platoon gathered behind the entire cohort and recited our motto together. I then went to look for the other people who came down for me. Fungling and I had a failed polaroid shot once again. Xinhui made me run around like monkey to look for her out of nowhere. She also introduced me her friend Engine to me and I don't know whether that's nice or awkward LOL. The saddest moment of the occasion was probably my absence in the platoon when they entertained or greeted the MP in the hall. I was there before but left at the wrong time. I also entered at the wrong time when the session was over. This caused me to meet my camp commander face to face and he even queried about the "unusual" tabs on my iLBV which I put on specially the photo shots with a special few. That somewhat triggered some guilt and distress in me as an impression was etched in the commanders as well. LOL...I'm not sure if I was thinking too much as usual but whenever I think of the same situation, I will apportion some blame and shame on me remorsefully.
- Not everyone I took is here though due to space constraint opps
- Not everyone I took is here though due to space constraint opps
I left the camp around 9PM and took the $1 bus ride to boon lay MRT. On its way, it almost collided with one Chinese cyclist who was riding aimlessly on the road. Thank God the bus jerked on time and nothing really anti-climatic happened.
In short, I guess I was engulfed in mixed feelings throughout the entire CAT Term, which I surprisingly enjoyed a lot because of the people and experience there. I was elated that I have finally earned myself the rank after been through much turmoils over the past few months. Yet, at the same time, I was uncertain because there's still a long way to go as the training is going to get tougher for my vocation and I also doubted my own ability to be a decent commander given past experiences. That's the reason why I don't feel really joyful and I even hesitated posting the moments I graduated online. Thanks XH for her advice which eventually encouraged me to anticipate the future instead of dwelling on the past.
I started my Foundation Term on 21st July 2014. My Professional Term commenced on 17th August. I'm actually amazed that I still remember the dates. Yet I started my army journey earlier than most peers in my current cohort due to the inadvertent incident in April. Having been through these 10 months of life deprived of real freedom and rest, all I can say is that I have come a long way despite the many setbacks in between and I wouldn't be able to reach here without the support and encouragement of God and some people.
Individually, I hope others can see the positive change in me although I still can't figure out if I have improved as a person. I'm so bad in doing self-reflection and observation is certainly not my flair. I still can't confirm that while the process is hard the outcome is worthwhile as the process is still ongoing and the outcome is still not materialised. Socially, I have made both great friendship and enmity and thankfully the former is greater than the latter. Physically, I certainly became stronger and fitter than before and there is still much room for improvement. Mentally, I have also grown to believe that it's possible to overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges as long as I have trust in myself and faith in God. There were so many obstacles that I thought I couldn't achieve yet I have conquered it after all. Spiritually, I am sure that I have been closer to God than any other time before NS as He is always the available one to me anytime and anywhere. Whenever I am faced with setbacks, be it small or big, I would think of Him first. There are many testimonies that I can confess due to His unwavering love for me. Without Him, I guess I would never be able to achieve so much this year. Emotionally, I think I am still susceptible to the behavior and words of others despite some improvement. Honestly, I wondered if I have depression at times but I guess my mental grit has surpassed all demoralisng thoughts in me. This is one area in life that I really need to overcome.
All in all, army, as despicable and sadist as it is at times, has been a great platform for me to evaluate life and myself. Quoting my camp commander and the MP for the parade, the graduation doesn't signify the end of the journey; it's actually the beginning of the greater adventure to come. As reluctant and doubtful to say this, I will try my best to improve more for the last year of NS in 2015 even as things and expectations inevitably get harder too.
P.S. I feel that I have much more to share but I just can't write what I feel for whatsoever reasons lol. Probably it's because I am typing this using my computer instead of using my phone the usual way.
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