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Tonight was an infuriating night. I was thrown in a pandemonium of angry emotions over a seemingly small incident which I regarded as an otherwise grave one when looked from another angle. I went for a run to vent my frustrations as a result. Initially, I rejected X's kind gesture in asking me if I wanted him to accompany me as always. Eventually, I invited him along and we ran at our own pace, ending with a quick impromptu sprint at the end. That sprint really relieved my accumulated emotional stress a lot, unexpectedly.
Thereafter, I initiated to walk the place we ran another round to cool down. It was more than that. I saw it coming since I wouldn't mind a running companion on that vengeful night. I began to share with him how I felt during the incident that happened prior to our run whilst exchanging opinions on what really happened and what could be prevented. I admit that I shouldn't have worn that set of demanding demeanour in giving suggestions on how our new bunks should look like. Yet the things that happened before and after that really flustered me a little, and finally exacerbated by someone's untimely interference that made the volcano erupted in me. Sometimes I feel that I really should stay low and passive instead of being so active and involved as the latter would usually more or less engender more problems for me. The highlight of the night would probably be the confession of my family status since young till now as I seldom talked about this to anyone, even the closer ones. It's like the dark side of the moon in my life where only the moon knows its own secrets. I just found it rather comfortable and timely to reveal my genuine family background and it's no surprise that it came as a surprise to him. At least through this interaction I have managed to relieve the burden in me as it's not easy to hide a nettlesome secret for long. It has been a sentimental night but a great one in an unique manner. I guess a right atmosphere with a right setting does help to open up oneself to another trustworthy person. Even if the information do leak out, it doesn't matter for it shall come to light eventually whatever its outcome is. Nonetheless, I trust my instinct and judgement.
Reflecting upon tonight's sharing, a question overwhelms my mind - have I been strong after so much turmoils or should I be stronger to embrace the ultimate climax for life isn't getting easier? Having made to this stage in life in such unconventional manner as contrary to some who came from similar background as me would do so, I believe I have come a long way but it's still less than halfway through my destination. I pray that I'll be used for greater things even as I long to seek after His great will and plan for my inscrutable life. I shall turn in soon to prepare for a long day of rehearsals tomorrow.
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