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A Level of Doubt
Typing this post on my bed now on a lazy afternoon after weeks of procrastination. I think I should admit that I'm actually quite lazy to write an entry over the past few weeks although I have a desire to do so. It's time to maximise my time more productively yet it's always easier said than done lol. Anyway, I shall dedicate this entry to my most recent academic achievement since its first year anniversary almost exactly a year ago.
Today, my juniors collected their results after completing their national exams few months ago. They just received their results two hours ago. I was actually kinda anxious for them although I was not the candidate involved today. It's almost the same sentiments and anticipation towards my fellow schoolmates in the same year that time. There was a myriad of emotions sweeping around in that tense atmosphere whilst the judgement was cast in forms of those paper thin yet future thick slips of results. On one hand, it's relieving and joyous to witness friends or even strangers excelling well and having their expectations met or even exceeded after undergoing through years of arduous hardwork. On the other hand, it's also poignant to empathise with those who have not done as well as how they wished to do, not making to the passing mark of securing an University place and letting their years of determination down the drain in such a truthfully wrecking instance.
Yet whatever the outcome is, the only right way to advance is forward. There's no point in relishing in splendid results for those who do well as it's only ephemeral, and dwelling in devastating results for those who don't do well as it's not the end. That applies to me as well. I am fortunate to have done pretty well in that crucial examination. But not all good things are always accompanied by solely good prospects as they are continually bombarded and eventually neutralised to null by bad intangible things. The past one year ever since the judgement day has its fair share of complements and criticisms with the latter being rather more overwhelming if you have not known.
Skepticisms spawned every now and then, doubting my true ability to clinch that results. Experiences relating to people relations also tried to convince me that I may not be worthy of what I achieved, merely because I cannot express myself well enough. Honestly if you ask me how do I really obtain that distinction for GP, I will say that I'm not expecting it but I know my efforts have paid off well and God has blessed me more than what I foresaw. I always struggle with the opinions people have of me regarding my command of the English language. Admittedly, I do not speak eloquently, I stutter many a times, and I do not write well. I feel that I have many rooms for improvement and I always strive to upgrade myself in this aspect. Yet it's one thing to doubt my ability to ace that challenging subject and another thing to put me down to push yourself up in the process of commenting, be it causal or serious. Unfortunately but frankly, army has shown me that results really ain't indicative of your performance in life. So don't be disheartened if you do not do as well as you wanted. Sometimes I believe that my set of results is just a God-bestowed ticket to study in Uni without further burdening my already crippling family financial status. Of course, it's also a great testimony of His greatness and goodness.
Currently I'm actually quite anxious about my undergraduate life. I mentioned why posts ago. I hope I am not sending myself down to 4.5 years of inescapable hell if I am determined to go for it. Am I really that capable? Lol. Not much time is left before a final decision is made.
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